"Bookmarking (not a word): A vague invitation that men use to pretend they are asking you out and woman get suckered into accepting."

Ever had a man say "How about we get together when I'm in town next weekend."  Now imagine you've said "Okay" at this point and you're thinking, "Great, I've got a date next weekend" and then your sister calls wanting to know if you're free to attend an art opening on Saturday afternoon.

Well, are you free?  You don't know because you're not sure if/when you're getting together with Mr Bookmarker.  What if one of your many love sick swain calls & asks you sailing Saturday afternoon? Can you accept? Well, you're not sure.  You don't have specific plans with the bookmarking genius. Did he mean Friday or Saturday? If you cannot pinpoint exactly when you're supposed to be ready, hair up, makeup done, that killer dress armed & dangerously on, then you do not have a date.

Bookmarkers are clever. They dance around with vague invitations that  the "Maybe we could get lunch sometime..." You can go with the teasing response like "Sometime?" <long pause, see if he gets that you're making fun of him being too vague> you could even go "Okay, I'll write that down... Date with X, 1:00 p.m. sometime <laugh> I wouldn't want to forget that and stand you up or anything..." Or you can simply say you'd enjoy that and ask "What do you have in mind?"  

At this point, just be genuinely nice. Do what any big flirt would do: Big eyes, look straight at them, softly say "No." small smile, look away -move away-drift away-walk., make him come after you. Make him ask you why, raise your eyebrow and either say "I have to have a reason?" or just smile or "I only go out with...(pause 1, 2, 3...) serious contenders."  Maybe then they'll ask you for a point blank dates.  Intrigue them. Be Different. Or say "Should we?" or "I don't think so" or "Noh."

To avoid being bookmarked (and date successfully), you need to know the specifics. When he says "Great, I will call you on that day", you do not have a date. Therefore, you must answer something like: "I need to know now, my schedule fills up fast." Should he not give you detailed specifics, as in "I want to take you to the country for lunch on Saturday", simply assume you have to make other plans and DON'T answer his call!

We once knew a genius of a girl called Forti who employed an infallible, anti-bookmarking technique which we call "Forti's Anti-Bookmarking Technique".  It goes like this:

Phone rings.
You: Hello.
Him: Hi, this is Mr Bookmarker. Would you like to go out this weekend?
You: Which day? (Note: you do not say yes, yet)
Him: Oh, I don't know, I was just thinking sometime this weekend.
You: Which day?
Him: How about Saturday?
You: What time? (Note: you did not say yes, yet.)
Him: How about if I call you Saturday and let you know?
You: I am pretty booked on Saturday. What time were you thinking of?

At this point, the conversation can go two ways. The first way, he ends up with no date. The second way, he ends up with a date with you and you end up having all the information you need before saying yes to a date.

First way:  Him:  I am not sure. I'll have to let you know.
You:  Umm. Well again, Saturday is booked, but thanks anyway.
Him:  Oh, I was thinking about 7:00!
You:  Right, well, thanks anyway.
Him:  You can't make it?
You:  No, I am booked but thanks anyway.

That will be either the last time he asks you out or the last time he tries to do that bookmarking thing.

Second way: Him:  Let's see. How about 7:00.
You:  7:00 is fine. See you then.

Bottom line: Don't say yes to a date until you have the details you need. You love a man with a plan.

Do this a couple of times consistently and the Bookmarker will soon learn to have the answers ready. If he's caught off guard about you wanting some specifics, put him at ease by saying you're just asking for general information about the time and the kind of thing/place so you can schedule your time (because you're such a busy, in-demand creature) and know what will be appropriate to wear.

The key is to appear organised and busy and not demanding. Give him a logical reason and he'll respect and honour your expectations of him to put some thought into things and be organised.

You can go beyond bookmarking enough to get the specifics you want and still give him some flexibility. It's okay for him to estimate that he'll arrive somewhere say, between 6:45 and 7, depending on traffic, work delays and so on. And if he suggests dinner, he doesn't have to know the exact place, yet. But it's perfectly acceptable for you to ask him to give you a general idea so you'll know how to dress.  You can even lead him a step further and say "I can wear a skirt and heels, I can do shorts...?" Then he has the option of saying "Hmm, I'd like to see you in heels" or "I was thinking something casual, so jeans or shorts would be fine..."

We have used this technique literally dozens of times and it works every single time. Try it and let us know how you go. We think you'll be wildly happy with the results.

Our very grateful thanks to Forti (Fortitude) of the Worldcrossing community for her genius and generosity. 

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